It was recently brought to my attention that majority of my good friends are members of the new up and coming dating app Tinder. Aha! With technology like it is today, you’re only a swipe away from a real connection. Psh. Listen, –if you didn’t find love in the past 25 years of your life, what makes you think that the internet will be any different? Are you searching the missed connections adds on craigslist looking for your next true love? Sending a wink or two on match.com or even sending questions to peeops on eharmony? In case no one has told you, the internet, as a general rule of thumb, is a better place to get a BJ from a bimbo with fake boobs or get murdered, not find your life partner.
Since it appears you’re having trouble grasping this logic, let me offer you a few suggestions that seem to have worked for other people in the same figurative boat as you:
Drunk people are very open to the idea of “true love.” Especially for one night. Starting here would eliminate the ackward online dating factor entirely, and completely eliminate the ‘picture of them from when they were 30 pounds lighter’ that they have as their Tinder picture. If you are a guy this also gives you the opportunity for cab sex or the old faithful road head.
Things seem to just “not work out” with the ladies you’re meeting on the internet? Stop being a whiny bitch about it. Move on to the next one. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Try to get as many dates as possible because you don’t want to be all up one girls ass all the time. Maybe you are exploring the wrong options. Maybe you should get on prison finder and find a women thats been in jail. Maybe she is getting out soon? Or maybe someone that is in for life? I think conjugal visits are allowed in Texas and maybe utah.
Know when your uphill battle is futile. If you can’t find somebody shallow enough to stick around after graduating college and getting your doctorate degree, maybe it’s time to throw in the towel. You are simply screwed. You also might have horrible breath. It’s also possible you just have a horrible personality or don’t know how to talk to people. Maybe you should hire a life coach or read a self help book. I’m sure there is one called how not to be a douche bag. You can get it from amazon.
You are playing out of your league
You pretty much know if you are an ugly piece of shit or not. . Guess what? Odds are…. you are not going to get you a perfect 10 model. Actually, you will probably not even get a 5. You should maybe get in the gym and do a situp or two. You can run on a treadmill while you read your selfbook or look for prison chics online. If you are actually looking for prison chics it also might be a good idea to google what they did to get put in jail. Although I’m sure if you are looking for a Bonnie and Clyde situation you may have found it.